i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
