After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
