I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and she was petting her beer can
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
