when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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