Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
