As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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