Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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