The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
