I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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