last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
