i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
