Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize