His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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