No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
