My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
