If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
