3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
