You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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