Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
