That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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