My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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