last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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