I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize