Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
