the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
