Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
