:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
