new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
