Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
