I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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