He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
