i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
