We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
