In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize