but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just pee around me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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