So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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