I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize