the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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