i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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