A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
