Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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