What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize