Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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