Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Vodka?
Forever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
