She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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