I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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