I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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