my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
