and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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