K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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