so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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