we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
