I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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