I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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