remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
