he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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