so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
