She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
