Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
