Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
