I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
