Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
