From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
