I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
