He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
