So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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