'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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