Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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