some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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