Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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