he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
