i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
